YOU KNOW YOU'RE GROWING OLDER WHEN ...
 

A dripping faucet causes an
uncontrollable bladder urge.

A fortuneteller offers to read your
face.

After painting the town red, you have
to take a long rest before applying a
second coat.

Dialing long distance wears you out.

Everything hurts and what doesn't
hurt, doesn't work.

The best part of the day is over when
the alarm clock goes off.

The gleam in your eye is from the sun
hitting your bifocals.

The little gray haired lady you help
across the street is your wife.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You began to outlive enthusiasm.

You burn the midnight oil after 9 p.m.

You decide to procrastinate but never
get around to it.

You feel like the morning after, and
you haven't been anywhere.

You finally reach the top of the
ladder, and find it leaning against
the wrong wall.

You get winded playing chess.

You get your exercise acting as a
pallbearer for your friends who
exercised.

You join a health club and don't go.

You just can't stand people who are
intolerant.

You know all the answers, but nobody
asks you the questions.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You look in the mirror and see one of
your parents.

You regret all those mistakes
resisting temptation.

You remember today, that yesterday was
your wedding anniversary.

You sink your teeth into a steak and
they stay there.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't
get it going.

You stop looking forward to your next
birthday.

You turn out the lights for economic
rather than romantic reasons.

You walk with your head held high
trying to get used to your bifocals.

You're 17 around the neck, 42 around
the waist, and 96 around the golf
course.

You're startled the first time you are
addressed as old timer.

You have too much room in the house
and not enough in the medicine
cabinet.

Your children began to look middle
aged.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is
25 years old today.

Your knees buckle, and your belt
won't.

Your little black book contains only
names ending in M.D.

Your mind makes contracts your body
can't meet.

Your pacemaker makes the garage door
go up when you watch a pretty girl
go by.

You know your way around, but you
don't feel like going.

You go into a record store and expect
to see records.