You just might be a first-time
                      BBS SysOp if...
 
 
Your BBS' opening screen contains the
 word "Shareware," "Unregistered,"
 or "Evaluation Copy."
 
Your caller's are greeted with a
 CONNECT 300  message.
 
You interrupt a caller's download,
 telling them to "knock it off because
 your mother wants to talk to her
 sister."
 
 
Your definition of modem is, "Twice as
 much as someone else has.  As in
 'I have modem you do, suckah!'"
 
Your BBS' screen artwork was produced
 by your BBS's author.
 
Requests for file transfers result in
 a caller being dropped into the C:\
 root directory of your computer.
 
Your early-morning caller's hear 3
 rings followed by a sleepy, "Yeah
 hello?   Who's this... Hello?  Is
 someone there?"
 
The only transfer protocol available
 is ASCII.
 
Your Call-Back Verifier's policy is
 "If they read the bulletin regarding
 how to use the CBV, they're
 verified!"
 
Your definition of baud is, "That
 which your Speedos cover."
 
Your BBS is "Off-Line" one week prior
 to Final Exams (your roommate has
 to write that term paper).
 
"Adult Access" refers to any adult who
 enters your room and says, "Shut
 that thing off, son... Your uncle and
 I want to play DOOM II!"