Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Yet Another OJ Digest

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From: jlclark@primenet.com (Jeff Clark)
Subject: The obvious suspects (in the Ron and Nicole murder case)

This appeared in the Minneapolis StarTribune Letters to the Editor on
October 9.  It was written by Martha A. Ballou, of Minneapolis.

Now that we know that O.J. Simpson did not kill Ron and Nicole, and we 
know that O.J. has made finding their killers his No. 1 goal, and that the 
Los  Angeles Police Department is not going to help, the people in our 
office decided to help find the real killers.

Our nominees are: 1) Maggie Simpson; 2) the guy on the grassy knoll; 3) 
the one-armed man, and 4) Professor Plum in the library with the knife.

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From: mcfar@netcom.com (Lincoln Randall McFarland)
Subject: Marc Furman Joke

Found in a SJ Mercury article (a couple of weeks back) about Marc Furman 
retiring to Idaho:

Q: How can you tell it is spring in Idaho?

A: Marc Furman is out planting gloves.

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From: idiotwind@radix.net (ed lynn)
Subject: the merchandising of the simpson jury

after hearing of the recent deal by some of the simpson jurors to do
audiobooks based on their experiences serving on that infamous jury, i
tried to imagine a few more ways to merchandise the heck out of these
people:

-- the book deal: "I Nearly *Touched* Him" by Simpson Juror #6

-- the movie deal: "Sequestered!: The Life of Simpson Juror #2" (in
 THX Stereo)

 -- the Simpson Juror Action Figures (Collect all 35)

 -- along the same lines, the McDonald's Simpson Jury Collector Cups
(with bios of each Simpson Juror...e.g., Simpson Juror #23's favorite
negative opinion is that "mud is icky when it squishes between your
toes" and Simpson Juror #15 strongly believes he is the reincarnation
of Lawrence Welk)

 -- Simpson TrialWorld: A Theme Park based on actual events. Theme Park
mascot? Sequestered Chester!

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From: tyg@netcom.com (Tom Galloway)
Subject: Top 10 Ways To Have Increased OJ Verdict Suspense

Top Ten Ways Judge Ito could've increased suspense at the OJ verdict:
(From David Letterman - Copyright 1995 by Worldwide Pants inc.)

10. Brought in Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon to do "Karnac the
Magnificent" routine with verdict envelope.

9.  Had the Dancing Itos do a farewell performance before reading the
verdict.

8.  "And the Oscar goes to Leslie Nielsen for Naked Gun 33 1/3rd!"

7.  Performed seance to contact ghost of Raymond Burr for patented Perry
Mason last moment courtroom theatrics.

6.  Jumped up and pointed at one-armed man in courtroom.

5.  Dismissed two more jurors, just for old times sake.

4.  As payback to media coverage announces that he is now banning cameras from the courtroom.

3.  Announced verdict would be withheld until 7:54 p.m. so it could be
used on that night's Final Jeopardy! ("And remember to phrase the verdict
in the form of a question.")

2.  Pointedly reminded everyone he has legal right to overrule jury's verdict.

1. "Ladies and gentlemen, since I have a captive audience of over 100
million people, I'd like to first give you my rendition of 'My Way'"

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From: DHBrowne@aol.com
Subject: Re:  OJ 

It's really too bad - if an aging football star HAD to kill his wife,
why couldn't it have been Frank Gifford ???

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From: eurdang@advtech.uswest.com (Erik Gwyn Urdang)
Subject: More on OJ

A friend of mine told me recently that he had read someplace that
more person-hours were devoted to watching the OJ Bronco chase (not
theal, just the *chase*) than were spent building the Panama
Canal.

I responded that this seemed reasonable: he was digging a bigger
hole for himself.

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From: lam@netcom.com (Bob Lamerand)
Subject: TOPICAL!  Halloween Costume!

I bought a O.J. costume for Halloween.


I had to return it --- damned gloves wouldn't fit!
--

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From: osiris@halcyon.com (J.David Ruggiero)
Subject: Haloween and Mr. Simpson

[From a co-worker:]

Did you hear that an O.J. Simpson mask is the hottest-selling item this
Halloween?

Only trouble with it is that at the end of the evening, you have to give
all your candy to the kid wearing the Johnnie Cochran mask.

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From: mcross@hpcvn2wc.cv.hp.com
Subject: YAOJJ

I know, this is kinda old business but,,,,,

One of my co-workers and I were talking about OJ getting out of jail
and getting his stuff back (lot's of jokes already!).  I commented that
OJ was going to get his bronco back (yea and wash it!).  My friend
replied, " I wonder if he's gonna take it to Ford and find out why
it'll only do 35 on the freeway?"

--
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