PHILOSOFACTS
 
If you would lift me, you must be on
higher ground.

Advertisement for lawn sprinkler
system:  "Dew it yourself."

A politician leads an active life.
When he isn't straddling an issue,
he is dodging one.

The person who spends all of today
bragging about what he is going to
accomplish tomorrow probably did the
very same thing yesterday.

Children are natural mimics.  They act
like their parents in spite of every
attempt to teach them good manners.

A key ring is a handy little gadget
that allows you to lose all your keys
at once.

When a man wants to believe something,
it doesn't take much to convince him.
 
Overheard on the elevator:  "Their
marriage was going O.K. until they
bought a water bed...then they started
drifting apart."
 
Constant use will wear out anything
- especially friends.
 
Have you noticed how, the older you
get, the less you expect from life?
In Sun City, bumper stickers read:
Have an Acceptable Day.
 
It's only fair that the government is
now protecting senior citizens against
catastrophic illness.  Sometimes just
realizing you're a senior citizen is
catastrophic enough.
 
Cleaning your house while your kids are
still growing is like shoveling the
walk before it has stopped snowing.
 
I'm convinced that in a past life I was
somebody named Occupant.  And they're
still forwarding my mail.
 
I've changed my mind a dozen times.  It
seems to work better now.
 
One pound of learning requires ten
pounds of common sense to apply it.
 
To study a subject best, understand it
thoroughly before you start.