MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS
            FOR "RANCHING?"
 
 1.  A wide-brimmed hat, one pair of
     tight pants and $20 boots from a
     discount house.
 
 2.  At least two head of livestock,
     preferably cattle -- one male,
     one female.
 
 3.  A new air-conditioned pickup with
     automatic transmission, power
     steering and trailer hitch.
 
 4.  A gun rack for the rear window of
     the pickup, big enough to hold
     a walking stick and rope.
 
 5.  Two dogs to ride in the bed of
     the pickup.
 
 6.  A $40 horse and a $300 saddle.
 
 7.  A gooseneck trailer, small enough
     to park in front of a cafe.
 
 8.  A little place to keep the cows,
     on land too poor to grow crops.
 
 9.  A spool of barbed wire, 3 cedar
     posts, & a bale of prairie hay to
     haul around in the truck all day.
 
10.  Credit at the bank.
 
11.  Credit at the feed store.
 
12.  Credit from your father-in-law.
 
13.  A good neighbor to feed the dogs
     and cattle whenever the owner is
     in Colorado, fishing or hunting.
 
14.  A pair of silver spurs to wear to
     barbecues.
 
15.  A rubber cushion to sit on for 4
     hours at the auction ring every
     Thursday.
 
16.  A second-hand car for going out
     to feed the cows when your
     son-in-law borrows the pickup.
 
17.  A good pocket knife, suitable for
     whittling to pass away the time 
     at the auction ring.
 
18.  A good wife who won't get upset
     when you walk across the living
     room carpet with manure on your
     boots.
 
19.  A good wife who will believe you
     when you come in at 11 PM, saying
     "I've been fixing the fence."
 
20.  A good wife with a good full-time
     job at the courthouse.