@FROM :funny-request@clari.net @SUBJECT:The True News Digest part 12/22 Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny = = = = = From: murray@motto.UUCP (Murray S. Kucherawy) Subject: Garbled communications This is something of a famous event among many CS students at the University of Waterloo. One of the concepts in any CS major program is data communications, and it is important to understand how a message can get garbled. One prof was teaching this to a second-year class, and the demonstration used was to line up everyone in the class across the lecture room, side-by-side. A message was given to a student at one end, and he/she was to pass it on to the next until it reached the other end. Normally the message comes out somewhat different from the original message, proving how communications can become garbled when it goes through many stops. Whatever the message was when the [female] prof started it, some clever soul decided to produce an extreme case of garbled communications... the message that came out at the end of the line was NOT what the original had been: Prof: OK, now what message did you get? End student: You don't want to know. Prof: Come on, tell us. End student: Trust me, you don't want to know. Prof: What message did you get!?! End student: [pauses] "The prof's a dyke." Prof: [blushes profusely] The class had a good laugh about it. I'm not sure if that form of demonstration is still in use today, though... = = = = = From: catfood@ncoast.org (Mark W. Schumann) Subject: Joke submission--Bumper sticker Seen on a pickup truck on I-77 just north of Akron: "My kid beat up your honor student" = = = = = From: jacob@taitastigon.tcs.com Subject: Berkeley protesters are SO paranoid... I wandered by People's Park in Berkeley today. This time the guy exhorting the crowd seemed less in touch with reality than usual. He cried "We have to do something. We have to get organized. The *government* is organized." = = = = = From: psavoie@pro-micol.cts.com (Pierre Savoie) Subject: Vachon snack cakes This week I saw a funny ad on the side of a bus for Vachon brand snack-cakes, whose different varieties must be all at least 50% sugar. The ad was a tongue-in-cheek jab at health food labelling, and showed a field of green stuff with the promise: "Contains NO Alfalfa!" Unfortunately for the company, this was the week when many types of Vachon cakes had to be recalled when metal filings were found in the Vachon company's mixing equipment. And some wag had written on the bottom of the panel of the ad: "Also a Good Source of Iron." = = = = = From: Bil.Lewis@eng.sun.com (Bil Lewis) Subject: Some kids ain't so dumb I was behind a little girl at a checkout stand. She held two boxes of dog food priced at $0.99 and had two dollar bills to pay for them with. When the cashier explained that with tax it would come to $2.16, the girl hesitated, thought about it, then said "I'll just buy one." She opened the newly purchased box, took out a 20 cents off coupon and bought the second box. I was impressed. = = = = = From: pat@fitz.b17c.ingr.com (Patrick Fitzgerald) Subject: Love that chicken... My friend and his fiance had just finished watching "Silence of the Lambs" when they decided to get a bite to eat at the local Popeye's. They noticed that the new "skinless chicken" was on special. Needless to say, they passed. = = = = = From: mjg@casbah.acns.nwu.edu (Michael J Graven) Subject: Hot Wheels The economic downturn has hit the real estate business on the East Coast particulary hard. A few months ago, I saw an English Racing Green Jaguar XJ6 in line at the local bank's drive-through teller. Its license plate caught my eye, even though we have quite a few vanity plates here in New Jersey. "2XPNSV" Now, that's cute and all, but what made it truly amusing was that a few months later I saw the same plate on the back of a decrepit Ford Granada... = = = = = From: wardk@cse.ogi.edu (Karen Ward) Subject: Oral Roberts' Latest Book [This is true, believe it or not.] While flipping channels this morning, I ran across Oral "Send Me 9 Million Dollars or God will Call Me Home" Roberts hawking his latest book: "How To Get Out of Debt ... Supernaturally" = = = = = From: alind@eng.clemson.edu (Alex Lind) Subject: bus driver annecdote - true My grandfather was named "Thure Niels Alexander Lind", but since most people could not pronounce "Thure" or "Niels" and he didn't care much for "Alexander", they simply called him "Bud". As an active member of the local high schools band booster club, one of the things he did for them was to occasionally drive the band bus to different outings. The common practice at that time with regard to the bus driver was that they would post a sign at the front of the bus that read "Your driver is: .". He always got a kick out of watching the reactions of new band members when they read the sign at the front of the bus stating "Your driver is: B.LIND". = = = = = From: garyk@hpldslx2.sid.hp.com (Gary Koerzendorfer) Subject: Sign of the times A sign behind the counter at the San Jose Tower Records store: Needles are not returnable and should not be shared = = = = = From: pew@cs.brown.edu (Peter E. Wagner) Subject: Help Wanted Ad Seen in Boston Globe, 9/11/91 FUSSBUDGET WANTED Person wanted to search & examine titles. Must be meticulous, fastidious, exact, precise, orderly, accurate, organized, conscientious, constant, unerring, curious, disciplined, punctual, scrupulous, punctilious, particular, querulous, and finical. I wonder what sort of person they are looking for... = = = = = From: twang@cunixf.cc.columbia.edu (Tony Wang) Subject: True story There I was, stuck behind a queue of cars forced to wait until a sanitation truck finish with it's pick-up. I look over to my right, and there was this late model Mercedes that was squeezed between two other cars, with no more than 6 inches of space between the other two cars (can you see it coming...). So, the Merc decides to use the bump-n-bump method of getting out. On the third round of the bump-n-bump, on the way forward (you sure you still don't see it coming?) he hits the car in front with a little extra ommpphhhh, and....... SETS OFF HIS AIR-BAG. I nearly fell off my bike laughing........ What a way to start a Tuesday. = = = = = From: bedk@icsi.berkeley.edu (Brian E.D. Kingsbury) Subject: Come again? I came across these quotes in the Fall 1991 edition of Common Cause Magazine: "[There are] few lies more pronounced than the words uttered by feminists." Rep. Bill Dannemeyer (R-Calif.), April 23, 1991 "There are few male character traits more loathsome than showing disrespect for women." Rep. Dannemeyer, one week later = = = = = From: sjreeves@eng.auburn.edu (Stan Reeves) Subject: Procrastinator Strikes... This letter to the editor appeared in the Wall Street Journal on September 17(?), 1991: Procrastinator Strikes While the Iron Is Warm I must register immediately my outrage at your May 13 page-one article "Procrastinators Club Is Definitely Not Ahead of Its Time." The story serves only to perpetuate the worst stereotypes about procrastinators. Also, the term "procrastinator" is offensive; the correct term is "temporally challenged." Don Nathan = = = = = From: PDB059@mipl5.jpl.nasa.gov Subject: Manual or Automatic? A tag from a Duracraft electric fan brags that it is "Manually Reversible". So you can reverse the flow of air by flipping a switch? No. "Manually reversible" means you can pick the fan up and turn it around. Read in the October, 1991 issue of _Consumer_Reports_ magazine. = = = = = This newsgroup is sponsored by ClariNet Communications Corp. Read about The Internet Joke Book -- the best of RHF at http://www.clari.net/inetjoke.html