From nathanr@k2.ashpool.com Mon Mar 10 18:31:36 1997 Date: Thu, 6 Mar 97 12:20:02 EST From: Nathan D Richards Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny Subject: Top 15 Potential Problems With Cloning Humans [Note - from "The Top Five List" - see credits at the end - ed.] The Top 15 Potential Problems With Cloning Humans 15> Harder than ever to land a role in those new Wrigley's commercials featuring the Doublemint Octuplets. 14> Two words: Gilbert Gottfried(s) 13> Any scientific advancement that stems from the result of Scottish people doing strange things to sheep is bound to have dire consequences. 12> In mere weeks, Bill Gates (v1.0, v1.2, v2.0, v3.0, v3.1 & v5.0) has all the money on the entire planet. 11> Hillary's husband discovers true multiple orgasms. 10> If you think there are too many idiots shouting "Show me the money!" on every occasion now, just wait. 9> Rush Limbaugh takes his self-affection to a whole new level, and suddenly is IN FAVOR of same-sex marriages. 8> "Penn & Penn & Teller & Teller & Teller & Penn & Penn & Teller & Penn" much harder to fit on comedy club marquee. 7> And you think it's hard to find your size now! 6> 18-month waiting list for George Clooney and Cindy Crawford clones. 5> "Alternative" radio filled with even more Nirvana clones. 4> And the final score: the New York Gretzkys - 408, the Pittsburgh Lemieuxs - 399. 3> Can no longer count on the Grim Reaper to get Jesse Helms out of office. 2> Those apocalyptic words: "Ladies & Gentlemen: The John Tesh Philharmonic Orchestra!" and the Number 1 Potential Problem With Cloning Humans... 1> Seventeen Mark Fuhrmans, and suddenly OJ's defense doesn't seem quite as far-fetched. [ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ] [ *To forward or repost, please include this section.* ] [ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com www.topfive.com ] Selected from 143 submissions from 50 contributors. Today's Top Five List authors are: ---------------------------------------------------------------- John Voigt, Chicago, IL -- 1, 5 (6th #1) Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX -- 2 Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA -- 2 George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO -- 2 Gene/Cynthia Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT -- 3 Jeff Johnson, Daly City, CA -- 4 Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 4 Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 4 Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA -- 6 Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX -- 7 Jesse Garon, San Francisco, CA -- 7 Greg Pettit, Houston, TX -- 7, 14 Tisha Stacey, St. Paul, MN -- 8 JB Leibovitch, Oakland, CA -- 9 Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA -- 10 Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- 11 Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA -- 12 Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC -- 13 Kris Kettner, Fond du Lac, WI -- 14 R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA -- 15 LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA -- 15 (Hall of Famer) Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA -- 15 ---------------------------------------------------------------- *** Windows Sources Spotlight *** All your questions about the Office suite can be answered! Visit the Expert Answers forum at http://www.winsources.com... ================================================================ T H E T O P F I V E L I S T To subscribe: Send mail to top5-on@lists.zdnet.com To unsubscribe: Send mail to top5-off@lists.zdnet.com For more information: Send mail to top5@walrus.com with "INFO" in the *subject* line of the message. To report a sighting of a Top Five List in other media: Send mail to top5@walrus.com with "BINGO!" in the *subject*. ================================================================ -- Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net. Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. Web users, you can read a random joke from the archives just by bookmarking http://www.clari.net/cgi-bin/randomurl/rhf/jokes/masterlist