KEEPING THE PUBLIC INFORMED
 
 THE VAIN PERSON
   One who loves the smell of his own farts.
 
 THE AMIABLE PERSON
   One who loves the smell of others farts.
 
 THE PROUD PERSON
   One who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine.
 
 THE SHY PERSON
   One who releases silent farts and then blushes.
 
 THE IMPUDENT PERSON
   One who boldly farts out loud, then laughs.
 
 THE SCIENTIFIC PERSON
   One who farts regularly, but is truly concerned about pollution.
 
 THE UNFORTUNATE PERSON
   One who tries awfully hard to fart but shits instead.
 
 THE NERVOUS PERSON
   One who stops in the middle of a fart.
 
 THE HONEST PERSON
   One who admits he farted but offers a good medical reason.
 
 THE DISHONEST PERSON
   One who farts then blames the dog.
 
 THE FOOLISH PERSON
   One who suppresses a fart for hours.
 
 THE THRIFTY PERSON
   One who always has several farts in reserve.
 
 THE ANTI-SOCIAL PERSON
   One who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy.
 
 THE STRATEGIC PERSON
   One who conceals his farts with a loud cough.
 
 THE SADISTIC PERSON
   One who farts in bed, then fluffs the covers over his bedmate.
 
 THE INTELLECTUAL PERSON
   One who can precisely determine from the smell of his neighbors farts the
   latest food items consumed.
 
 THE ATHLETIC PERSON
   One who farts at the slightest exertion.
 
 THE MISERABLE PERSON
   One who would truly love to but can't fart at all.
 
 THE SENSITIVE PERSON
   One who farts and then starts crying.
 
 A FART
   One who sends out this stuff!