Arguably Edible Sustenance



Throughout history, many cooks were given the responsibility of

simultaneously stretching limited food reserves while preparing a meal that

everyone could keep down. Somewhere along the way the role of cook became

more of a submissive position where unhealthy, unsustainable resources

(i.e. beef) were squandered and salted so that the family could develop

intestinal cancer in time for the night's parade of network sitcoms. This

trend seems to be decreasing of late, and to further its demise, we offer a

few post- modernistic recipes for the fiscally challenged. There is room

for you to post your own cheap recipe at the bottom. Please do.



Before we get to the food, let's talk a bit about equipment.



  1. Gas burners are a necessity. Open flame is a must for every kitchen.

  2. Deep Frier. It's gross, dangerous, and unhealthy. And those are the

     good points.

  3. Sandwich makers rule! Those foldover toasty things are pretty cheap

     and make snacks for pennies (sound like an infomercial?).

  4. Big, sharp butcher knife. This is what really makes cooking fun.

  5. Iron skillet. Don't EVER wash it. It'll rust, and plus, the flavor

     builds up in layers when you don't.

  6. Wooden spoon. Yawn.

  7. Steel pot. Yawn.

  8. Sausage Maker (Optional)



These things are all you'll ever need to cook with. Ever. Period.



Recipes



     Jackasserole



          Ingredients:

               1 pkg. Ramens

               1 can tunafish

               2 or 3 tbsp. mayo

               1 tbsp. masala paste

               1/2 cup cooked frozen peas

               1 squirt mustard

               stale nachos

          Directions

            1. Boil noodles

            2. Strain noodles

            3. Mix all the crud together

            4. Eat



     Ketchuppasta



          Ingredients:

               Lotsa pasta (any kind)

               Five cloves chopped garlic

               Olive oil

               1 chopped onion

               1 chopped green pepper

               Oregano and basil

               2 squirts ketchup

          Directions:

            1. Boil pasta

            2. In a sauce pan, heat up oil.

            3. Add garlic and spices, simmer for 5.

            4. Add onion and green pepper

            5. Cook until bored.

            6. Strain pasta, combine with sauce.

            7. Squirt in ketchup (it's embarrassing I know, but trust me).

            8. Eat



     Beans and Rice



          Ingredients:

               Can of refried beans

               Can of black beans

               2 cups cooked white or brown rice

               1/4 cup jalopenos

               1 small can tomato paste

               1 chopped onion

               Ten tons of chili powder

          Directions:

               Uh, mix it all on the stove and put it on a tortilla.

               Put some cheese on it and toss it carelessly into the oven.

               Consume at will.



     Curried Garlic Potatoes



          Ingredients:

               One big Idaho potato

               3 cloves of diced garlic

               1/4 stick of margarine

               3 tbsp. HOT curry paste

               Shredded cheese

          Directions

               Slice potato into thin happy chip things

               Melt butter stuff in skillet

               Saute garlic

               Cook 'em taters till they're good'n'squishy

               Stir in curry paste

               Dish out into plate and cover with shredded cheese



     Stir Fry Dirt



          Ingredients:

               Oil (any kind but motor)

               2 cups cooked white rice

               Chopped random stuff (whatever you can find)

               An egg

               3 cloves diced garlic

               Soy sauce

               40 tons of MSG (optional)

          Directions:

            1. Uh, you know, stir fry it.

            2. Crack the egg into it (make sure it gets cooked so you don't

               die)

            3. Flip it across the room having it separate into two distinct

               parts in mid air, neatly landing on two well set plates in

               front of a person of the opposite sex, who will be so

               impressed they will go to bed with you no matter how bad

               this crap tastes.



Any recipes you'd like to add? Click here.

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