Ä Area: rec.funny ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Msg#: 354 Date: 03-14-95 01:30 From: Mertus@archer.cog.brown.e Read: Yes Replied: No To: All Mark: Subj: Hair kit for men only ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ @FROM :mertus@archer.cog.brown.edu Message-ID: Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny After years of research, Mertus Enterprises, (ME Inc.) has successfully combined the wisdom of the ancients with modern science to produce the first 100% guaranteed treatment for hair loss. Called the Hair Kit for Men (copyright 1994), this ONE time treatment is the only one to approved by the American Medical Association (AMA) as an absolute preventive to baldness. Our historians, after extensive field study, found the clue in the mystic writting of the Grand Vizier to Sultan Suleyman the Magnicificant, Ibrahim Rustem. But it took years more for our scientists to back his obversations, rites and witchcraft with sound scientific evidence. Hair lost is caused by the hormone testosterone and by removing the glands that produce this testestrone, hair loss is stopped in its tracts! You may worry that removal would require an expensive operation, but nature, in its infinite wisdom, put these destructive glands are on the outside of your body! ME Inc., has developed an instrument that automatically makes a slight incision, removes these unsightly glands, and then staples and bandages the cut. You just attach the tool, cock it, press the button and the spring load relieves your tension about hair lost with a few quick (and almost painless) strokes. How much would you expect to pay? $100? $200? No! For a limited time only, the Hair Kit for Men is mere $29.95. But wait, there is more. For absolutely free, we will enclose a ziplock bag printed with the message "Warning, biological wastes" to help you disposal of those useless glands. Listen to these testimonials: From Robert: When my first hair started falling out, I was scared, but after receiving my Hair Kit for Men, not only did my hair lost completely stop, but my concentration and work habits have improved. Now when studying in the library and a co-ed walks by without a bra and wearing a skin tight short skirt, I don't even glance up. This New Year day I didn't watch a single football game! The improved concentration has changed me from a dumb jock into a Dean's list honor student. My parents were never so proud! From Jack: Not only did the Hair Kit for Men stop my hair loss, but it prevents the growth of unwanted hair! I never will have to shave again! My savings in razors alone made up the purchase price many times over. Now I have no use for my Dad's old Razor Strop. I feel like a new man. From Jennifer: On my husband's birthday, I surprised him with the Hair Kit for Men while he was asleep. This Christmas, for the first time ever, he didn't buy me skimpy, too tight, impractical lingerie as a present, but useful cotten briefs. The Hair kit has even reduced the number of headaches I have at night. As a family, it has drawn us closer: we now both sing soprano in the church choir. So just E-mail your Visa, Mastercard or American Express number, with expiration date, to ME@ME.COM, and ME Inc. will send you the Hair Kit for Men for the low cost of $29.95 plus $99.99 for shipping and handling. So confident is ME Inc. that Hair Kit for Men will change your life, we don't even offer a money back guarantee should you not like the product. Besides preventing baldness, the AMA approves this procedure for prevention of prostrate and bladder cancers, heart disease, and even violent death. It has been shown to increase IQ and decrease fights in married couples. Order now, before this offer expires in 2016. If you can't use it, buy one for you husband or boyfriend. Remember, not only is my wife, a medical doctor, the owner and founder of Mertus Enterprises Inc., but I was its first member. Warning: May cause weight gain and not to be used in domestic disputes. -John"At last I've stopped my hair loss"Mertus -- Selected by Maddi Hausmann Sojourner. MAIL your joke to funny@clarinet.com. Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. If you don't need an auto-reply, submit to rhf@clarinet.com instead.