What most men expect:
 
 She will always be beautiful and
     cheerful.  She could marry a movie
     star, but wants only you.
 
 She will have hair that never needs
     curlers or beauty shops.
 
 Her beauty won't run in a rainstorm.
 
 She will never be sick...just allergic
     to jewelry and fur coats.
 
 She will insist that moving the
     furniture by herself is good for
     her figure.
 
 She will be an expert in cooking,
     cleaning house, fixing the car or
     TV, painting the house, and
     keeping quiet.
 
 Her favorite hobbies will be mowing
     the lawn and shoveling snow (when
     necessary).
 
 She will hate charge cards.
 
 Her favorite expression will be,
     "What can I do for you, Dear?"
 
 She will think you have Einstein's
     brain but look like Mr. America.
 
 She will wish you would go out with
     the boys so she could get some
     sewing done.
 
 She will love you because you're so
     sexy.
 

What he gets:
 

 She speaks 140 words a minute, with
     gusts up to 180.

 She was once a model for a totem pole.

 She is a light eater...as soon as it
     gets light, she starts eating.

 Where there's smoke, there she is...
     .....cooking.

 She lets you know you only have two
     faults...everything you say and
     everything you do.

 No matter what she does with it, her
     hair looks like an explosion in a
     steel wool factory.

 If you get lost, open your wallet...
    ....she'll find you.