From:   "Christine lundahl" 13-MAR-1996 18:07:38.44
Subj:	Toasters


If they made toasters ....

If IBM made toasters ...
   They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be
   submitted for overnight toasting.  IBM would claim a worldwide
   market for five, maybe six toasters.

If Microsoft made toasters ...
   Everytime you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster.
   You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd have to pay for it
   anyway.  Toaster'95 would weigh 15,000 pounds (hence requiring a
   reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small
   city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the
   first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you wanted your
   toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to
   find out who made them.  Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but
   nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with
   their toasters.

If Apple made toasters...
   It would do everything Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.

If Fisher-Price made toasters ...
   "Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast
   the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.

If The Rand Corporation made toasters ...
   It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube.  Every
   morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it.  Their service
   department would have an unlisted phone number, and the blueprints for
   the box would be highly classified government documents.  The X-Files
   would have an episode about it.

If the NSA (U.S. National Security Agency) made toasters ...
   Your toaster would have a secret trapdoor that only the NSA could
   access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of
   national security.

Does Digital (formerly DEC) still make toasters ...
   They made good toasters in the '70s, didn't they?

If Hewlett-Packard made toasters ...
   They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and
   gives you regular bread.

If Sony made toasters ...
   Their "Personal Toasting Device", which would be barely larger than
   the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently
   attached to your belt.


If The Franklin Mint made toasters ...
   Every month you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of
   your authentic Civil War pewter toaster.

If Cray made toasters ...
   They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other
   single-slice toaster in the world.

If Thinking Machines made toasters ...
   You would be able to toast 64,000,000 pieces of bread at the same
time.

If Timex made toasters ...
   They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that take
   a licking and keep on toasting.

If Radio Shack made toasters ...
   The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it.
   Or you could by all the parts to build your own toaster.

If K-Tel sold toasters ...
   They would not be available in stores, and you would get a free set of
   Ginsu knives with each one.

If Unix made toasters...
   Very few people would under would understand how to make toast.  There
   would be toaster geeks, in pony tails, jeans and tea-shirts who would
   spend sixteen hours a day in front of the toaster making toast.

If BHP IT made toasters....
  14 Consultants would be assigned to help you place the toast in the slots.
  You would be required to create your own user manual.
  Once the toaster was purchased, you would be stuck with the consultants 
  for over a year.