The Use of Computers in Movies

     Submitted by Geoff Howard.

[*]Word processors never display a cursor.

[*]You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.

[*]All monitors display inch-high letters.

[*]High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such
governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces.
Those that don't, have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that
can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

[*]Corollary: you can gain access to any information you want by simply
typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.

[*]Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply
typing "UPLOAD VIRUS" (see Fortress).

[*] All computers are connected. You can access the information on the
villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

[*]Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen
changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it
doesn't go faster than you can read.

[*]The really advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.
(See The Hunt For Red October or Alien)

[*]All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just
underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff
of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backwards.

[*]Corollary: sending data to a modem/tape drive/printer faster than
expected causes it to explode.

[*]People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the
data. (See the opening credits for The Hunt For Red October)

[*]A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before
intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

[*]Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function (see Demolition Man and
countless others).

[*]Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be
accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to transmit
data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.

[*]When the power plant/missile-site/whatever overheats, all the control
panels will explode, as will the entire building.

[*]If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a
password when you try to access it.

[*]No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any
system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer
platforms.

[*]The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has (Aliens).
However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons are
labelled.

[*]Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying
three-dimensional,active animation, photo-realistic graphics capability.

[*]Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time
video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Supercomputer.

[*]Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it
projects itself onto his/her face (see Alien, 2001, Jurassic Park).

[*]Either a Jacob's Ladder or a Van Der Graaf Generator is absolutely
necessary for the operation of new, experimental computers (especially when
built by brilliant scientists), although in real life, these devices do
absolutely nothing.

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