From steinber@students.law.miami.eduMon Jul 15 18:07:02 1996 Date: Mon, 15 JUL 96 3:20:08 EDT From: Richard S Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny Subject: The Torch (fwd) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I thought you would appreciate this, especially those of you that had an opportunity to view this "historic" event ... Accordingly, I thought you might like to see a minute-by-minute account of what REALLY happened as the Torch made its way through our our nation's capital: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 3:15 Torch arrives at U.S. Capitol 3:30 Torch leaves U.S. Capitol, carried by Bob Dole. 5:00 One block later, Bob Dole hands off torch. 5:15 Torch enters Northeast Washington 5:16 First recorded case of "Torch-jacking" occurs. 6:00 After massive search, Torch is found in a local pawn shop and repurchased for $25 6:15 Torch arrives at city hall. Crowd is dismayed when Marion Barry uses it to light his crack pipe. 6:20 Barry is further embarrassed when he is stopped trying to take the torch to the country for "spiritual renewal". 6:30 Torch heads into Northwest Washington 6:35 Torch runner falls into D.C. pothole. 6:45 Torch is recovered (runner is never found). 6:55 Torch arrives at Dupont Circle. Residents are proud to have such a high profile "flame" in their area. 7:00 Torch runner attempts to hand off flame to NBA star Juwan Howard. 7:01 David Falk stops the transaction, demanding $90 million over two years for Howard's effort. 7:21 Torch arrives at White House. 7:22 FBI files on Torch arrive White House. 7:23 Hillary fires Torch, citing "gross mismanagement and bad record keeping". 7:24 "Torchgate" hearings begin on Capitol Hill. 7:30 Torch leaves White House, heads across the Mall. 7:32 Torch runner is knocked unconscious by long pop-fly hit by "With Ourselves" star, John Mechem 7:35 Torch is handed to Republican Presidential candidate, Pat Buchanan. 7:36 Series of mysterious fires at black churches begins along Torch route. 8:00 Torch heads for Virginia. 8:15 Crossing the 14th Street Bridge, Torch is accidentally dropped into Potomac -- entire surface of river immediately ignites. 8:45 After being recovered by ValuJet divers, Torch enters Virginia. Upon crossing state line, runner is immediately assessed personal property tax on torch. 8:47 Runner attempts to hand torch to Virginia Senator John Warner. Warner refuses, saying he cannot, in good conscience, support this torch. 9:00 Torch is retired for the evening. USOC vows never to set foot in the D.C. area again -- Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net. This newsgroup is sponsored by ClariNet Communications Corp. Read about The Internet Joke Book -- the best of RHF at http://www.clari.net/inetjoke.html