TIPSY
 
-  He's not one to do things in halves
   ....He does them in fifths.

-  When he returns from lunch, he's so
   loaded he has to take the freigh
   elevator.

-  He's been frequenting a new night
   club.  It has the nicest tables 
   he's ever been under.

-  When he gets a cold, he buys a
   bottle of whiskey, and in no time
   it is gone.  The whiskey, not the
   cold.

-  Since he has been visiting a
   psychiatrist, he now drinks on the
   couch.

-  He's the nicest chap on two feet..
   ...if he could only stay there.

-  In taverns all over town he is
   regarded as one of their
   unsteadiest customers.

-  If it weren't for pretzels, he'd be
   on a completely liquid diet.

-  He frequents so many bars that his
   suits aren't dry cleaned.  They're
   distilled.

-  If there's a nip in the air, he
   even tries to drink that.

-  He would be an interesting
   specimen to an entomologist.  A
   good specimen of a bar fly.

-  On his last birthday, he lit all of
   the candles on his cake.

-  When the boss asks him to work
   overtime, he demands time and a
   fifth.

-  He has been warned that alcohol is
   slow poison.  He says he doesn't
   mind.  He's in no hurry.

-  He's a very public spirited person.
   He drinks spirits in public.

-  The only time he drinks is when he
   is alone or with somebody.

-  He only drinks on the days ending
   in "Y".

-  It takes only one drink to make
   him drunk.  He's not sure if it is
   the ninth or tenth.

-  No wonder they all call him "Truck"
   He always has a load on.

-  He believes in a balanced diet.  A
   drink in each hand.

-  At a party, he never plays Spin-
   The-Bottle.  He will never let go
   of it.

-  Some times he's held up going home.
   That's the only way he will get
   there.

-  Once, in a hospital, he asked for
   water.  Everyone thought he was
   delirious.

-  He deducts his liquor bills as a
   medical expense as he drinks to
   everyone's health.

-  He's been getting so high that soon
   he will have to drink with a net
   under him.

-  He was recently a judge in a beauty
   contest.  The competition wasn't
   very stiff, but he was.

-  He's been on a drinking man's diet.
   Now he is a thin lush.

-  He hates the sight of liquor.  That
   is why he drinks so much..to get it
   out of sight quickly.

-  It's called for a tremendous amount
   of willpower on his part, but he's
   finally suceeded in giving up
   trying to give up drinking.