Astrological Zaniac

AQUARIUS:  (Jan 20 - Feb 18)  Have an
inventive mind and are inclined to be 
progressive.  They lie a great deal,
and make the same mistakes repeatedly 
because they're stupid.  Everyone
thinks they're nimrods.  Perfect
candidates for national political
office, as Republicans.

PICES:  (Feb 21- Mar 20)  Have a vivid
imagination and often think they are
being followed by the FBI or CIA.
They have minor influence on their
friends and people resent them for
flaunting their power.  They lack
confidence and are generally nerds.
They make perfect petty bureaucrats.

ARIES:  (Mar 21 - Apr 19)  Are the
pioneer type and think most other
people are thick headed.  They are
quick tempered, impatient, and
scornful of advice.  They are total
jerks who make excellent activists.

TAURUS:  (Apr 20 - May 20)  Are
practical and persistant.  They have
dogged determination and work like
hell.  Most people think them stubborn
and bull headed.  They are usually
Communists, accountants, or both.

GEMINI:  (May 2 - June 21)  Are quick
and intelligent thinkers.  People
like  them because they are fun to
watch.  Generally inclined to expect
too much for too little.  Translation
-- cheap, cheap, cheap.  Gemini's are
notorious for thriving on perversity.
Lawyer material.

CANCER:  (June 22 - July 22)  Are
sympathetic and understanding of other
peoples problems, which makes them
suckers.  They are always putting
things off, which is why they will
always be on welfare and won't be
worth a crap.  Everybody in prison is
a Cancer.  Cancers not yet in prison
are liberals.

LEO:  (July 23 - Aug 22)  Consider
themselves born leaders.  Others think
they are idiots.  Most Leos are
bullies.  They're vain and cannot
tolerate honest criticism.  Their
arrogance is disgusting.  Leo people
are thieving deviants who spend most
of their time kissing mirrors.  Ideal
for political office in California, or
as TV evangelists.

VIRGO:  (Aug 23 - Sept 22)  Are the
logical type and hate disorder.  This
nitpicking is sickening to their
friends.  They are cold, unemotional
and often fall asleep while making
love.  They are usually anal retentive
and make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA:  (Sept 23 - Oct 22)  Are
artistic types and have a difficult
time with reality.  Chances for
employment and monetary gain are nil,
as most Libras are social butterflys.

SCORPIO:  (Oct 23 - Nov 21)  They are
the worst of the lot.  They are shrewd
in business and cannot be trusted.
They usually achieve the pinnacle of
success in whatever they do, because
of a total lack of ethics.  They are
perfect SOB's.  Most Scorpios are
murdered.

SAGITTARIUS:  (Nov 22 - Dec 21)  Are
optomistic and enthusiastic.  They
have a reckless tendency to rely on
luck since they have no talent.  The
majority of Sagittatians are durnks
or Democrats, in either case they're
not worth the time of day.

CAPRICORN:  (Dec 22 - Jan 19)  Are
conservative and afraid of taking
risks.    They are basically
chicked-hearted.  There has never been
a Capricorn of any importance.  They
should flush themselves, or take jobs
in fast food places.